So I’m Engaged Now… Advice?

Anyone have any advice on great wedding blogs/ideas, or next steps to take?

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Life is a bottomless pit of darkness, but you’re sane enough to climb out of it

Serious post here.

Have you ever been in something you invested in for so long, that’s it’s utter heartbreak when it falls through? I have. Whether it be a job, school, or relationship. Mine was a 6 year long relationship, and I’ve learned a lot that I figure I can share, because if anyone understands heartbreak and life spitting in your face, that’s me. Someone can relate to this somehow.

The truth is no one tells you how hard it is when something you invested so much time in slips away. No one talks about a personal lurking darkness because it’s so stigmatized. I’ve honestly been through hell and back, and experienced darkness. My dark side was depression. I was clinically depressed for about two years in my second year of university, and sought out counselling help to learn how to cope with it. I’m over the hard bits now, but only because counselling helped me through that, and I applied the things I learned to help deal with my depression. There are traces still left over, and I’m not 100% better, but I know I will be.

Why was I depressed? My relationship with R hit a kink in the tracks that caused the train to derail a year and a half into our relationship. I lost my self-esteem, my sense of self, everything that I built. Nonetheless we repaired our relationship after some time and got back together. But I was never whole ever since that major speed bump occurred, and I’m still not. That incident kicked off more, but less intense incidents and setbacks, but we trucked through. Let me tell you what I learned;

1. It’s no use in mending a relationship when you’re not at your fullest potential, it’ll just cause more problems.

2. People make mistakes, and they can change (but only if they truly in their heart want to). Forgive and maybe spend sometime apart to regain what was lost, depending on how bad the situation is.

3. Relationships take hard work. Especially serious ones, it’s unrealistic to think that if it’s meant to be, it should just work. Get that idea out of your head

4. Problems are bound to occur, so it’s important to figure out ways that you can properly deal with them.

  • Good fighting tactics
    • active listening – actually listen and try to understand what the other person is trying to say
    • validating – rephrase what your partner is trying to say, you’ll be showing them your making an effort to understand them.
    • using I feel statements – Start off sentences with I feel _____ to easily let your partner know how it is you’re truly feeling without being accusatory
    • Communicate effectively – don’t be condescending or ignore the other person
    • Make sure they know you still care about them at the end of all this
  • Things to avoid:
    • You statements – things like ‘you do this always’ or ‘you _____’ is accusatory and will set the other person in defensive mode
    • avoid name calling and cursing – it’ll fuel the fire
    • Leaving and never talking about the situation again – if you really need to remove yourself from the situation, just say I need 20 minutes to calm down, and make sure you calmly revisit the problem after, and not sweep it under the rug
    • Avoid kitchen-sinking – kitchen-sinking is throwing in irrelevant topics to the problem, or adding more things to the list to be mad at. Focus on the problem at hand.
    • Avoid gunnysacking – gunnysacking is letting the little things slide by, and bottling them up until one day you explode. It’s important to address issues as they come up, not waiting till one day you explode.

5. Be you, and do the things that you want. Don’t always do things because you feel like you need to, or because you feel like it has to be this way. Do what you actually want. That way, you’ll have a lot less regrets, if any. Stay true to you, and don’t lose sight of that

At the end of the day, a 6 year relationship isn’t something that was easy. There are many other couples who have been together longer, and I’m sure can share with you the mountain of problems they had to work out. R ended our relationship, but I don’t blame him for that. He obviously needs to figure out himself, and so do I, since we were never the same since the first big incident that caused us to walk on eggshells. Don’t get me wrong, perfect times were perfect, but I need to regain what I lost when I was depressed, and I haven’t yet. I’m still here, and that’s what’s important. I’m still sane enough to climb out of that bottomless pit called life, and climb out so that I’ll be on top. It’s a long way, but it’s worth it knowing that I can do it on my own. I’m not sure what’ll happen between R and I, but I know you can’t erase the love we have, and will always have for each other. And of course I’ll always be there for him, because I’m so stubborn and love him wholeheartedly.

But all I know is, right now I need to focus on me, and regain 100% all of the self that I lost. And that’s a damn good reason to stay sane and not give up.

True Love Exists

I’ve always believed in true love existing ever since I was little. This probably started because I watched Disney movies religiously (they were my drug). Reading about sentimental stories makes me tear up since I’m such a sap. I’m going to cry my eyes out at my own wedding, I just know it. The idea of true love just makes me so happy for other people. I thought I’d share with you Buzzfeed’s post on 25 pictures that will make you believe in true love to brighten your night.

Man of Steel Review

I’m not a huge Superman fan, and to be honest, I didn’t really know much about his character. Before going into this movie, I heard that the critic reviews tore it up. Naturally I had low expectations, especially since I wasn’t really on the Superman bandwagon. The one thing that I can say is that I absolutely loved Man of Steel.

One thing that the critics hated was Zack Snyder’s direction. I don’t know why, I thought the cinematics were brilliant. I also loved Sucker Punch and thought the scenes were beautifully shot. He also directed 300, Watchmen, as well as Dawn of the Dead, so he’s no director to mess with. The fight scenes in Man of Steel were delicious to watch, and the speed of the fight scenes didn’t make your head spin. The pacing of the movie was very well-balanced, and not focused on 20 minute fight scenes (Cough…Transformers…). The soundtrack was also thrilling, a no-brainer considering it was composed by the extraordinary Hans Zimmer (The Lion King, The Batman Trilogy, Inception – just to name a few….)

Amy Adams made Lois Lane seem less damsel in distress, and more strong, independent woman. The only complaint I have is about her character development of her relationship with Superman. There wasn’t enough time to build their relationship and I feel like they rushed through it. It was as if they just met and the next minute they were already kissing. There was no build-up to appreciate, so it was a little of a let down because you expected them to get together anyway. Kevin Costner really stuck out for me as Johnathan Kent, considering he did not have a huge role in this film.

Also, Henry Cavill, where have you been all my life? His muscles are real, not CGI. His beautiful, beautiful body is completely real. What am I talking about?

Can we just appreciate this for a moment

Charming as Clark, and kick-ass as Superman, he was the perfect mix of gorgeous and relentless faith in human nature. His film credentials are small right now, but after Man of Steel, his career is going to skyrocket. Who can resist that mesmerizing smile of his? Oh yeah, and Cavill’s European.

One more for good measure

Man of Steel is a great crowd-pleaser, despite what critics say. I mean they’re called critics for a reason I guess? From an outside perspective, someone who’s not familiar with the origins of Superman, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

8.5/10

Celeste and Jesse Forever Review

Celeste and Jesse Forever has so much heart. Written by funny girl Rashida Jones and Will McCormack, who both star in this film, you know you can expect some good laughs.

This film focuses on high school sweethearts who get married, but then their marriage doesn’t end up working out, and Rashida wants to get a divorce from Andy Samberg. It follows the ups and downs of their relationship; their fighting, making up, meeting new people, all while trying to maintain a friendship with each other.

I liked this film a lot because of the rawness of the situations are. The constant push and pull, wanting and fighting of the relationship is as real as it gets. The feelings between them are made strong, and you are rooting so badly for them to get back together and just stop arguing. It’s not your typical romcom, and it’s a movie that should get much more credit than it does. It’s filled with drama, real emotions, tenderness, all wrapped up in a big comedic bow. I have so much more respect for Rashida Jones as a serious actress, and an even bigger crush on Andy Samberg.

It’s available on Netflix, and I suggest you watch it

8/10

Please Take a Moment to Read This – Cheerios Takes a Step Forward

There’s a new Cheerios ad portraying an interracial couple, and their mixed-race child. Apparently there’s been a considerable amount of backlash about the ad, and many negative comments were made demeaning the interracial family portrayed.

There were even comments about the ad on Reddit, and to give you an example of the disgusting racial hate, one user wrote: “now all we need is a black character on tv that speaks in full sentences and we’re set!”

Are you kidding me? Apparently the ad on Youtube received too many ugly racial comments, and the comment feature needed to be disabled. It upsets me so much that some people of America, and probably others in the world, are so unaccepting of people who are in an interracial relationship, and it surprises me that there’s that much backlash over this Cheerios commercial.

To be honest, the ad is quite funny, pulls on your heart-strings, and really gives you a sense of warmth. The fact that people are making racist comments, and that this ad is getting so much heat for portraying an interracial couple and their mixed-race child downright disgusts me. Families are families, whether they consist of interracial parents, two mothers, two fathers, single parents, etc. There’s no longer this ‘standard’ to what families have to be like, and people need to start getting the fuck used to it.

The article about the backlash complete with the most detail can be seen here and the darling Cheerios ad can be seen here